Aside from all the other things He is, all the other titles He has acquired, to me God is the Father of all.
When I was six years old, my biological dad started having stroke and because of his sickness, I did not get to spend much time with him. You can say that even when he was around, I did not feel the secure fatherly presence and this made me different from most of the kids I knew. I excelled in school not because I was smart, I was actually a slow learner but I had the determination. I became more serious and responsible than some kids my age because people kept telling me how my mom relied so much on me. But even though I had a tough facade, in reality I was very sensitive and I thought a lot about what it would be like to have a father. Whenever I saw my friends' families, I could not help but be envious of them. Sometimes, I even questioned God why He had to do this to my family, and sometimes I even utter such questions as why I had to be in this family. I love my family and i have no problem with them perse, but this issue was a serious strain to my relationship with God, there were even times when I refused to believe that He existed.
When i was in elementary, I rarely went to Sunday school and when i reached high school, i dropped it completely because I thought that the explanations of Bible stories were already being too shallow and I was not getting anything from them anymore. I still prayed at home before sleeping but for me it was just like a routine I had to follow. For many years, i lived as if i did not have a true, personal God. When I stepped into second year high school, we started having these 3-day retreats and I started attending the Summer Bible Conferences of our school; by this time, I was already hungry for answers to the many questions that kept lingering on my mind about who God actually was.
i immediately felt how these retreats were true blessings that on my first retreat, when I was listening to the speakers, it was as if the ears of my heart were opened for the first time to the word of God. Whenever we came home from the retreats, I would feel energized and excited to do my daily devotions, but this enthusiasm faded away along with time. At first I did not understand why my fervour for the Word would just not stay permanently, until I slowly became disheartened and felt like these feeling were just fake spurs of the moment. Not for long, I started to become more lost in my walk of faith than ever.
On my fourth year in high school, a few days before my graduation, my dad passed away. He was not getting better during the past years and our family has already been physically and emotionally drained. The loss even drained us emotionally more, but even if we were emotionally drained we felt comfort in knowing that my father has finally gone to the better place, free from suffering and serving the God he loves. My dad was actually a devout Christian. On the earlier days of his stroke when he had difficulty walking and talking, he diligently went to church when we who were perfectly healthy were too lazy to go. We were amazed by how until his final breath, he would not hold any grudge against God even if he was afflicted with such sickness. To me at that time, my dad was an enigma. At the same time, I kept questioning God why he had to be like that to my dad and how my father kept His faith on God even during his weakest moments.
On my dad's funeral, while I was looking at him in his coffin, I was suddenly overcome by a peace I could not understand. It was as if a voice whispered into my ear a very clear answer to both of my questions. The voice told me that I should've seen the real importance of life while looking back at the life of my dad. I should’ve realized that my father saw this importance and lived by it even when everyone else ignored it.
The importance of life was not the wellness of an individual based on the standards of the world but the wellness based on the standards of God that which could only be attained by having a Father-child relationship with Him. Trusting that all He plans for my life is at the same time for his own good and also for the greater good, which includes the wellness of all His children, was what kept my dad’s faith going. And by God’s grace, i am seeing the light that my dad saw, acknowledging that God knows what He is doing and i simply have to trust in Him.
I have to admit that now I still have moments of weakness in faith. I am actually ashamed how easily I fall into temptations even after such a powerful testimony of my dad's life. But I also know that God, my Father loves me, provides for me and will not forsake me. The life of my dad and my whole family is a testimony to this in countless ways and we could not just appreciate enough how merciful and graceful God is no matter how unworthy we are.
By His grace, I am continuously being moulded into a new person, I am not a lost sheep anymore; I now live for Someone great. He all along was my greatest and most effective refuge in this dangerous world. He will constantly mould me into the person he plans me to be and I am thankful and blessed to be His child.
When I was six years old, my biological dad started having stroke and because of his sickness, I did not get to spend much time with him. You can say that even when he was around, I did not feel the secure fatherly presence and this made me different from most of the kids I knew. I excelled in school not because I was smart, I was actually a slow learner but I had the determination. I became more serious and responsible than some kids my age because people kept telling me how my mom relied so much on me. But even though I had a tough facade, in reality I was very sensitive and I thought a lot about what it would be like to have a father. Whenever I saw my friends' families, I could not help but be envious of them. Sometimes, I even questioned God why He had to do this to my family, and sometimes I even utter such questions as why I had to be in this family. I love my family and i have no problem with them perse, but this issue was a serious strain to my relationship with God, there were even times when I refused to believe that He existed.
When i was in elementary, I rarely went to Sunday school and when i reached high school, i dropped it completely because I thought that the explanations of Bible stories were already being too shallow and I was not getting anything from them anymore. I still prayed at home before sleeping but for me it was just like a routine I had to follow. For many years, i lived as if i did not have a true, personal God. When I stepped into second year high school, we started having these 3-day retreats and I started attending the Summer Bible Conferences of our school; by this time, I was already hungry for answers to the many questions that kept lingering on my mind about who God actually was.
i immediately felt how these retreats were true blessings that on my first retreat, when I was listening to the speakers, it was as if the ears of my heart were opened for the first time to the word of God. Whenever we came home from the retreats, I would feel energized and excited to do my daily devotions, but this enthusiasm faded away along with time. At first I did not understand why my fervour for the Word would just not stay permanently, until I slowly became disheartened and felt like these feeling were just fake spurs of the moment. Not for long, I started to become more lost in my walk of faith than ever.
On my fourth year in high school, a few days before my graduation, my dad passed away. He was not getting better during the past years and our family has already been physically and emotionally drained. The loss even drained us emotionally more, but even if we were emotionally drained we felt comfort in knowing that my father has finally gone to the better place, free from suffering and serving the God he loves. My dad was actually a devout Christian. On the earlier days of his stroke when he had difficulty walking and talking, he diligently went to church when we who were perfectly healthy were too lazy to go. We were amazed by how until his final breath, he would not hold any grudge against God even if he was afflicted with such sickness. To me at that time, my dad was an enigma. At the same time, I kept questioning God why he had to be like that to my dad and how my father kept His faith on God even during his weakest moments.
On my dad's funeral, while I was looking at him in his coffin, I was suddenly overcome by a peace I could not understand. It was as if a voice whispered into my ear a very clear answer to both of my questions. The voice told me that I should've seen the real importance of life while looking back at the life of my dad. I should’ve realized that my father saw this importance and lived by it even when everyone else ignored it.
The importance of life was not the wellness of an individual based on the standards of the world but the wellness based on the standards of God that which could only be attained by having a Father-child relationship with Him. Trusting that all He plans for my life is at the same time for his own good and also for the greater good, which includes the wellness of all His children, was what kept my dad’s faith going. And by God’s grace, i am seeing the light that my dad saw, acknowledging that God knows what He is doing and i simply have to trust in Him.
I have to admit that now I still have moments of weakness in faith. I am actually ashamed how easily I fall into temptations even after such a powerful testimony of my dad's life. But I also know that God, my Father loves me, provides for me and will not forsake me. The life of my dad and my whole family is a testimony to this in countless ways and we could not just appreciate enough how merciful and graceful God is no matter how unworthy we are.
By His grace, I am continuously being moulded into a new person, I am not a lost sheep anymore; I now live for Someone great. He all along was my greatest and most effective refuge in this dangerous world. He will constantly mould me into the person he plans me to be and I am thankful and blessed to be His child.
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