That is the Question

So I have run into a problem. This problem..haunting me for a few months now. It seems to have something to do with freedom. My freedom. Petty as it may, this problem has been depriving me of sleep and peaceful thought. Or this might as well be a case of conflicting desires. One thing I cannot understand about myself, among other things, is how I can want something but at the same time beat myself up about wanting it. It's like a very masochistic move that just tears me apart. Yet I keep on doing it. Sometimes I lie to myself just to a peace the demons inside me. There are demons inside me?? To be or not to be. To be the bigger man or not to be the bigger man. To do or not to do. To do nothing or to do what just might put me in a spot where I will be insecure but at the same time relieved, guilt-free, happy. Well what can I say? Now, that's the real question.