It's finally the end of the semester - the end of my Junior year. The semester that has passed is special because it was suppose to be the hardest one of all eight semesters that all BS Management students of Ateneo ever had. But apart from that, it was extra special to me because it was a time when I felt that I've learned a lot about life.

In Ateneo de Manila, regardless your course, you will be immersed in humanities subjects. You will have to go through some history and political classes, and endless theology and philosophy classes. This makes the students "think differently". Students become passionate not only in what they're doing but also in what they can achieve. The goals become different. It is not only about earning money anymore, it is about being able to allow change to happen in the world that they do and do not belong to.

Of course not everyone gets this kind of an epiphany. Differences in point of views make human living more interesting after all. But I felt it. I felt it in my bones and in my guts that this just might be for me.

Although I am a Management student, and although I want to pursue a career in the corporate world, this sixth semester opened my eyes to a passion I never quite grasped before. A passion for allowing change.

Gone are those days where I just worked for myself. Those were the times when I kept on asking about the whereabouts of my inspiration, my drive, my passion. Now it is clear to me that what I am working towards is something bigger than myself, but that won’t scare me because change is attainable even with minute movements. 

I don’t have to be a mogul in order to allow for it, I just have to be make sure that I am not stepping on any toes, so to speak; and that in everything that I will do, I will have in my mind the consideration of that goal.

Bao.. Eto na yung sinasabi mong click.. Talaga nga namang nakapagtataka ang puso ng isang tao. haha. Although I feel relieved that you are finally moving on, I also feel..sad. When you said "hands up ako dito", yun yun eh. BOOM. Parang sumabog at nagkalat ang pira-piraso ng puso ko.. Just a few hours ago, nagconfess ako kay nicole na parang nagugustuhan ulit kita..pero ayoko i-entertain kasi baka lumipas rin naman.. But now that this happened..I'm still not sure whether or not I like you again. But I really am hurt. I know.. wala akong karapatan mag reklamo dahil mas matagal kang nasaktan..pero hindi ko kayang i-deny na masakit ok.. haih. Tignan mo nga naman..all things do come to an end.. Ang sakit sakit sakit. Although naniniwala ako sa kasabihang "never say never", parang sa ngayon, nararamdaman ko talaga yung "ayoko na". This heart breaking pain is too much for me.

So I have run into a problem. This problem..haunting me for a few months now. It seems to have something to do with freedom. My freedom. Petty as it may, this problem has been depriving me of sleep and peaceful thought. Or this might as well be a case of conflicting desires. One thing I cannot understand about myself, among other things, is how I can want something but at the same time beat myself up about wanting it. It's like a very masochistic move that just tears me apart. Yet I keep on doing it. Sometimes I lie to myself just to a peace the demons inside me. There are demons inside me?? To be or not to be. To be the bigger man or not to be the bigger man. To do or not to do. To do nothing or to do what just might put me in a spot where I will be insecure but at the same time relieved, guilt-free, happy. Well what can I say? Now, that's the real question.